Summer.

I will now sum up the summer of 2009 in a single post. You’ll find it a riveting, brazen analysis of everything I found important thats transpired in the season of sunny days:

I would have paid a significant amount of money to have this on videotape. Stealing from, or committing theft in the presence of a nun, regardless of your spiritual beliefs, seems about as smart as poking a sleeping bear with a stick while covered in honey and wearing flip flops.

Nothing short of bold. While you’re at it, say goodbye to your grandmother on her death bead via Twitter you tool.

As it turns out, Cristiano Ronaldo was roughly just as good as everyone thought he was. Manchester will have to find goals from other people. Like Shrek and a hopefully-not-too-washed-up Owen. The bench is as deep as any team in the world, so I’m not worried. Yet.

If the Afghan people don’t want to fight the Taliban, who will? On paper, it is one of the most just wars (if there is so contradicting a phrase) we have ever fought, and yet the world won’t send men to fight it.

Iraq seems as fun as ever. I say we make a gut decision between healthcare and this war. In a perfect world, Obama would eliminate a federal healthcare system altogether and shift all available forces from Iraq into Afghanistan and wipe the Taliban off the face of the earth. But, as a pragmatist, it is now a numbers game. Atop the lives, the money and the political capital the Iraq War has and will drain, President Barack Obama needs to decide if he truly wishes to further bankrupt the country through expanded healthcare without cutting costs.

Michael Moore thinks we have a capitalist system in the United States, and he aims to make it his scapegoat for all his problems. It’s like blaming a leaking roof on on the guy that built your foundation.

Tarantino and Nazis. Perfect.

The Gopher hockey team is loaded. Again. And Nick Leddy is going to become a hometown hero. No pressure bud.

EPIC.

I know people like this. I may have met a few this summer.

I’m sure I’ll find more things to critique and offer my invaluable advice on soon.

The Shoe of…Life?

This is a story that is not reported in the United States. Obviously, you can make an argument that the man who threw the shoe at Bush is of no consequence to the everyday citizen of this country. However, I must point out that it could be seen as an attempt on our previous leader’s life, which, no matter how you look at it, is of serious consequence to everyday citizens of this country. I still think it is facinating that a man who probably will seek asylum in Switzerland is honored in Iraq by a bronze statue with a tree in it. I think a good alternative might be something along the lines of allowing him to stay in the country. But what do I know?

If an Arab news station says Iraqis love voting, then we should be utterly chomping at the bit for our midterm elections. Or the election of your local school board. Or neighborhood association president. I refuse to be out-enthused by a four year old democracy. Game on America.

Props to this guy. By all means, if you have an effective way to warn commuters of the dangers of zombies and other undead threats, then you should most definitely use that power to serve the common good.

These are the guys I’m going to hire to build my flux capacitor.